If your life is anything like mine, it is split between working a full time job and being a full time dad.
This combination means that my general free time is very limited, so my freedom to sit and watch multiple two or three hour wrestling shows per week is very, very scarce.
Now, one thing I want to make clear is that this is not a complaint.
In today’s ever-changing world, I am very fortunate to have an amazing family and a very stable job that helps support it and pay for the roof over its head.
So with all this going on, I have found great delight in finding short, sharp, straight to the point, amazing and great wrestling matches that even I can watch from start to finish (given the chance).
When my son has been napping, or my wife has had an early night, I have been scouring the deepest darkest corners of the WWE Network to find five great matches that are all under five minutes long.
Don’t expect any Okada vs Omega, or Flair vs Steamboat marathons here. These are designed to be quick, impactful, and altogether great – just the combination that I have grown to love… or been forced to love… because I don’t really have a choice.
Enjoy!
Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar – WrestleMania 33 (4 minutes, 47 seconds)
This is Goldberg’s best, and one of Lesnar’s best matches ever. The match structure was exactly what it needed to be. It gave the fans what they wanted (and more), and it fit into the Lesnar vs Goldberg story arc perfectly.
In Goldberg’s second run WWE got it right. Bill’s first run in 2003-2004 was filled with long “WWE” style main events going 12-20 minutes long- something Goldberg was not capable of pulling off at the time.
This time around they knew exactly how to get the best out of the jackhammering juggernaut: entrance, spear, jackhammer, out.
Goldberg had run through Lesnar once already, and just a month prior to Mania’ had battered Kevin Owens to win the Universal Title on his way to the inevitable rematch against Lesnar.
The fans knew what to expect: Goldberg dominating and another quick clean win. So when Lesnar went to suplex city from the opening bell, the crowd were hooked, and it looked like we had something different on our hands. But Bill thought otherwise, shrugged the suplexes off and floored Lesnar with two spears – the second of which knocked the challenger to the floor.
A third spear took them both through the security barrier and into the timekeeper’s area, and a fourth, back inside the ring, set him up perfectly for the Jackhammer and the 1…2… kick out?!
That hadn’t happened before!
For the first time in their feud, Lesnar had kicked out of the Jackhammer and showed he had some fight left in him. Lesnar then leapfrogged another spear attempt and sent Goldberg to suplex city again, this time for a monumental 10 German suplexes and finished him with an F5 to regain the Universal title.
Hardy Boyz vs Edge & Christian – King of the Ring 1999 (4 minutes, 50 seconds)
A favourite time for me, the Attitude Era often produced matches less than five minutes long. But on this occasion, a pre-TLC, young and fresh-faced Edge, Christian, Matt and Jeff Hardy went all out and showed the world what they could do given their short exposure on PPV.
A sleek and smooth 100mph opening quickly culminated into a quickfire spotfest, leading to Jeff Hardy picking up the win with a twist of fate.
One reason the match is fondly remembered is for the Hardy’s poetry in motion being interrupted by Edge coming off the middle rope and nailing Jeff with a spear in mid-air. Edge and Jeff would later replicate this spot at the next two Wrestlemanias from a ladder (WM 2000) and then with Jeff dangling helplessly from the belt attachment (WM X7), but seeing it here for the first time and hearing the commentary and crowd’s initial reaction to it was really something else.
These four were still a few months away from their incredible tag team ladder match at No Mercy but this was the best use of their time, and must have surely given the decision-makers in the back an easy answer to whether they would be playing a big part in the company’s future.
Paige vs AJ Lee – Summerslam 2014 (4 minutes, 55 seconds)
Two pioneers from the women’s evolution put on a great little outing at Summerslam 2014 when AJ Lee defended the Diva’s title against Paige. They played off the previous meetings, when Paige shocked Lee the night after WrestleMania 30 by winning the title in an impromptu match, then the tables turned two months later when it was Lee who would return to take the title from Paige in similar circumstances.
History would repeat itself here as Paige left the Staples Centre in Los Angeles with the title, but it wasn’t without a fight from the champ. Lee fought back from being dropped face-first onto the guard rail with a cross body to the floor and came so close to retaining with the black widow submission, but in the end, Paige was able to reverse the submission and hit her suspended DDT to pick up the win.
Tazz vs Kurt Angle – Royal Rumble 2000 (3 minutes, 15 seconds)
One from one of my favourite pay per views: Royal Rumble 2000.
At this point in time, the WWF was on fire, even without Steve Austin and the Undertaker who were out with injuries.
The company was still on a hot streak that ultimately won them the Monday Night Wars.
By the time the Rumble rolled around, Kurt Angle was still very early in his WWF career, but he was on an undefeated streak that had started with his debut just a few months prior at Survivor Series 1999.
As all good things must come to an end, and the end to his winning streak came at the hands of a debuting Tazz in front of a home town, passionate, ECW hotbed crowd inside Madison Square Garden, New York City.
Unfortunately for Tazz, this would also be the highest point of his in-ring WWF career as the pop he received upon being unveiled as Angle’s surprise opponent would not be replicated and he would quickly tumble down the card – He would be out of in-ring action altogether just two years later. But here, this was Tazz at his best.
They did not call him the human suplex machine for nothing and, after a quick Angle beatdown, he fought back and threw the Olympic champion around the ring with a variety of suplexes and throws before choking him out in quick fashion.
Angle would go on to argue that the chokehold was illegal and his undefeated streak was still intact, but that did not take anything away from a great showcase that played straight into Tazz’s strengths. It was just unfortunate the company did not use him like this more.
Meiko Satomura vs Lacey Lane – Mae Young Classic 2018 Quarter Final (4 minutes, 33 seconds)
It is still quite bizarre for me to think that Kota Ibushi, Zack Sabre Jr and Meiko Satomura all competed in WWE tournaments in recent years.
None of them stuck around but, while they were in front of the Full Sail audience, they certainly left their mark.
And here in the Mae Young classic in 2018 Satomura left her own mark on Lacey Lane with a barrage of kicks to the head and body. Lane had her own impressive strike combinations and even came close to winning after a crossbody, but she was never far away from another stiff strike from the Japanese legend to show her who was boss.
Satomura got the win with a death valley driver and would go onto face Toni Storm in the semi-finals in another excellent match-up, but it would be her last as Storm would overcome the odds and eventually win the whole competition.
There will certainly be other Satomura matches that come to mind when lining up her “best of” list, but if you need a reminder of her best bits, this match against Lacey Lane highlights them and shows us all (if we need reminding) that she is one of the best.
Upon researching matches under five minutes my shortlist actually became quite long – long enough that over the next few weeks I will help ease the burden of lockdown by providing time-strapped quarenteeners five matches each week that will hopefully put a smile on your face.
There should be enough for themed weeks too, so if you are a fan of ECW, Ruthless Aggression, the Women’s Evolution, WCW, Randy Savage, Goldberg, classic WWF and everything and anything in-between, I will hopefully have something you will love.
But if not? Don’t worry. Because it will be over in less than five minutes and I promise you will love the next one.
And if not?…. You get the picture.
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