Merchandise has been one of the biggest measurements in wrestling for years, with the likes of the NWO, the Bullet Club and even Rusev blasting their way into the eye of the mainstream media with their merchandise shirts. Good merchandise can help push a wrestler to new heights, with fans willing on them on as they don the latest shirt, hat or collectors cup. Yet somehow, we far too often see terrible merchandise hit the shelves of the wrestling stalls.
WWE Garden Gnomes
To me, Garden Gnomes are a strange concept in themselves. Just a selection of small, weird looking men watching over your garden on a daily basis. But it’s made all the weirder when they are designed after your favourite WWE Superstars, with the likes of John Cena, the Undertaker and CM Punk all being available to be planted within your garden. The crossover between wrestling fans and avid gardeners surely isn’t a massive one, maybe Daniel Bryan has them in his back garden to watch over his crops, but I can’t imagine who else would have bought these monstrosities.
WCW Hot Sauce
WCW went through a number of weird phases throughout its history, from David Arquette becoming world champion, to a Judy Bagwell on a pole match, nothing should be surprising about WCW’s business ventures. But they may well have just done it again, looking back on the WCW Hot Sauce. WCW did in fact make four bottles available with either Sting, Diamond Dallas Page or Buff Bagwell, for some reason, with each wrestler having their own flavour. If the hot sauce is anything like WCW, I’m sure it tastes very strange, with a late kick of disappointment to go alongside it.
Earl Hebner – “Damn Right I Did” shirt
Do you remember the Montreal Screwjob? TNA sure did. First of all, who has ever bought the merchandise of a referee in their entire life? Secondly, the shirt is horrendous and finally but most poignantly, imagine trying to explain this to someone who doesn’t know wrestling. T-shirts are made for people to actually where, but anyone who saw this t-shirt would be more confused seeing it and would likely never speak to you again if you did explain it.
Scott Steiner Freak Tunes – The Big Poppa Pump Soundtrack CD
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I guess instead of sharing a playlist with your friends, in 2011 you would make a CD public to the world. That’s right, in 2011 an actual record label thought wrestling a CD with Scott Steiner on the cover and 14 songs that no one has ever heard of was a good idea. The songs on the so-called album are all by Chris W. James, M. Elliot, The Foundation and Tivi Horvath and we will not be listening to it for this list as I respect my own free time.
Test “I Love My Testicles” shirt
Remember earlier when I said that t-shirts were made to be actually worn by actual people in actual public? Imagine getting on the bus in the morning with this shirt on. Imagine bumping into that cool friend that you haven’t seen in a while, but you’d love to get a drink and catch up. Imagine your mother seeing you in this shirt. Your life would be ruined. Back in 2002, Test and his on-screen girlfriend Stacy Keibler started referring to Test’s fans as “Testicles” and while the name is somewhat comical and the shirt is funny, why on earth would anyone on this planet everwhere that?
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